


We're Not Complicated

by Heavydirtys0ul



Category: All Time Low, Panic! at the Disco, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Asexual Character, M/M, Multi, Nonbinary Character, Other, Polyamory, mute character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-20
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-27 22:22:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6302560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heavydirtys0ul/pseuds/Heavydirtys0ul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"That's complicated,"<br/>No, we're not.<br/>It's not complicated that he doesn't like sex.<br/>It's not complicated that they identify as multiple genders.<br/>It's not complicated that the three of us can love each other.<br/>It's not complicated that he can't speak.<br/>We're not complicated, we're in love. </p><p>Four relationships have heard the words "That's complicated," far too many times.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's not complicated that he doesn't like sex.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok so I know I should be finishing Hurricane, and really, I swear I will. But I came up with this short story idea, it'll only have four chapters that are basically four one shots but sort of interlink, so they can be read standalone. Combines my OTP's, all of them. The chapters are tiny tiny tiny but address some things I want to get out of my system.
> 
> So the OC's Name is called Aiden, and he's being educated by a few relationships. Because he wants to be.

When Josh met Tyler, he though the sun and moon shone over his head; and that wasn't an exaggeration, he was the most beautiful person he'd ever had the pleasure of meeting. And within the time space of three weeks of trailing in and out of the same damn coffee shop every morning, he finally asked him out. And he didn't really compute the shake in the elder man's voice, or the look of silent dread as he gave him his number and prayed that it wouldn't last too long. Tyler dreaded new relationships, they always end when he blurts out the words "I can't do this," the moment there's a hand on his thigh. And Josh? Sweet, _**fucking adorable**_ , Josh. He's the first to break this chain. His shy little smile floats across his face as he moves away with a shrug, as if it's not really that big of a deal. it is, because Josh likes sex but the thing is, he likes Tyler more. It wasn't the be all and end all and as far as he's concerned his hands will suffice. 

Instead of pressing the issue like other people would, he saves that tiring conversation for a morning when they're not quite so exhausted, and grabs at a plate of cookies whilst running a movie and hot tea. Josh likes to avoid sadness, and he doesn't believe this is something Tyler needs to get worked up over, seeing the telltale signs of a wobbly lip, as if afraid his Josh would leave after these perfect weeks. "Can we cuddle?" Is the small and soft question proposed to the elder and Tyler responds with a drained smile, crawling under his boyfriend's arm and burrowing against his side. "Cuddles are ok then?" 

"Sometimes, sometimes I just don't want anyone near me at all you know, like I just don't want Human contact at all," He says softly. Josh won't sit there and tell him he understands the feeling, because he doesn't, and there's no way he's going to patronize his best friend like that. Instead, he offers him the hot cup of tea and plays the movie, until Tyler is fast asleep on his chest and he's left to his thoughts and google, to research jut what he can on asexuality. Even afterwards, he only understands small things, different types of asexuals, and primarily to ask how his partner is feeling before assuming anything. He understands that not all asexual people are sex repulsed, and he'd have to ask Tyler for the details here. But there was no way he was leaving, he signed up for Tyler as he is, and there was no way he was trying to change that. He's continue to love Tyler no matter how frustrated he got.

And he did get frustrated. He'd never take that out on Tyler, it wasn't like sex controlled his life after all, it felt somewhat like losing a good hobby, not entirely the end of the world but there will still be a little piece of you that whines at it's loss. Sometimes when he was very obviously frustrated- pacing, trying to distract himself, disappearing off to masturbate etc. Tyler would nervously offer himself, and Josh would decline. Not only would he never forgive himself, but it almost felt like he would be violating Tyler, and if he wasn't enjoying it, then how the hell could Josh? He would always take cuddles after some alone time however, seeing as orgasms seemed to be a tiring habit. Most of all, the elder found it amusing when the head of mussed crimson hair and tired, dark eyes came out, because it made it obvious what Josh had been up to, and making a joke out of it was much better than the alternative. 

A year passed, and they were falling into a pattern, they were establishing bounds that didn't really need to be spoken anymore, simply understood. They were happy, as they were. Even Tyler had slowly let go of the insecurity that he made Josh unhappy, and accepted the boy really was as in love with him and overjoyed as he appeared. That he wasn't being anchored to the bottom of the sea. Josh was content with their bond as it was, no need for sex, romance was like a warm fire inside of him, and sex would probably send those flames out of control; destroying all they had. 

They sat in a coffee shop with a younger version of a friend. His name was Aiden, and he wasn't the most highly intellectual people, but that was ok, sometimes educating people was fun, especially if they were eager to learn. "So...does it not upset you, like do you not even do it...not even once?" He whispered, resting a head on his hand "You must have a lot of patience," he frowned, biting his lip gently, "Like you don't put out at all?" He looks from one of them to the other "Isn't that a little...selfish?" He squeaked and then frowned, as if reconsidering his words; but he couldn't find a sugarcoated version of what he was trying to say.

"No, not at all," Josh cut in before a rather downtrodden Tyler could, his voice was all calm and mellow, his eyes holding a brightness because if there's one thing he loves doing it's talking about Tyler. And how much he loved Tyler. And their relationship. "See it doesn't really matter because when I met Tyler I fell in love with his smile and his voice and the way he laughs, I fell in love with his quirks and the way he sings and him getting up at three AM to write a song, I fell in love with him, not the idea of screwing him, that honestly didn't come to me until a little over two months into our relationship, and it didn't really seem like that big of a deal, because it's Tyler I love, not sex, and to force him to do it would be me being selfish," He rests a hand on Tyler's, who smiles at the comfort. 

"Huh, I never thought about it like that," Aiden rests a head on his hand, cerulean hair tumbling into his deep blue eyes. "Wow," He folds his arms on the table, as if trying to compute this. "That's complicated," He mutters a little, but he's never been in love so what does he know? He's sure one day he'll get it properly, after all it took Josh a good year to seriously really get it, and even now he thinks he'll never truly understand. 

"No, it's just love,"

And it's the first of many times he'll hear that conversation.


	2. It's not complicated that they identify as multiple genders.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They grew up with the ideals that they can be one of two things: A fetish, or an outcast.

Vic was falling into the thousands column with his vacant realization that he was never going to find love. It was simply his curse that he should never do so, doomed to a life as a singularity, with the only backup plan of course being his job. Even so, his loneliness extended to the rich bank full of snobby people that he had to deal with daily, and look into the eyes of crippled families who are losing every penny. It was none of his business, and so he was forced not to care; that was the motto in this job, you can't help everyone, you can't help anyone. A truly heartbreaking response to a crying mother who will soon lose her child because she hasn't the money to keep him. Or a man who is so deep in debt that the face he had seen would be plastered on the TV screen with the words suicide in blood red letters.

Yes, one could say Vic was living a rapidly decreasing lifestyle that forced him to be as stone. Now, as any good love story would have it, someone, a hurricane in someways, will whoosh in and change who he is as a person, fix up those cracks if you will. Kellin had grown up with the ideals that they could be one of two things: a fetish, or an outcast. They'd heard thousands of years worth of 'you don't exist,' enough to want to physically remove the onyx hair from their head; or perhaps someone else, as the fuse that made their temper was slowly running out

When they walked in, Vic hadn't looked up at first, he'd heard the clacking of heels from the echo in the room, and then the tapping of long, painted nails against his  workspace. His eyes had been so engrossed in paperwork that he'd uttered the usual "How may I help you today?" Before even looking up. But he felt an uncomfortable amount of eyes on him from his peripheral vision, looking around there were few customer but their eyes were in his direction, as were his colleges. Confused, the young Mexican man turned to look at his customer, and in response his heart jumped to his throat.

He had no idea what gender this person was, their hair haphazardly tied up in a messy bun, eyeliner around piercing blue eyes and large black plugs in either ears. Hanging off their shoulders was a black cardigan, underneath of which a dark blue crop top that showed off a pale, slim stomach. Vic felt his eyes widen, and heard a breathy 'wow' roll off his tongue. In reply, he received a look of amusement, and immediately got back to work. "So...urm...name?" He asked tentatively, digging his hands against the computer buttons.

"Kellin Quinn," Even their name was unique, the elder found himself typing out the details and listening to the amount they'd like to draw out. "Thanks," they smiled, bright azure eyes crinkling and sparkling, the flicker of friendliness reflecting back at him. Once Vic had managed to complete the request, he looked up at the other with a strange sort of feeling.

"As unprofessional as this is, I don't suppose I could get your number?" He muttered, a small and hopeful smile playing at his lips, eyebrows raised. It was that picture perfect moment straight out of every romance novel where one, strong and dominating character, is reduced to a wordless pile by another, much more stunning character. And now, he was met with a raised eyebrow, and a tricky question as Kellin's lips pulled into a smirk, a challenge in their mischievous cobalt eyes. 

"Do you think I'm a boy or a girl?" And this stumped Vic to be honest, because now he felt he had to pick a gender to label this mysterious creature, like they want him to chose a label and no, no that can't be right. This was a test, he concludes, a test that he was determined to pass. So he offers a small, unsure smile, with hope in his hazel eyes as his (now slightly shay) voice strains enough to be heard in the current hush-hush of the bank, everyone decidedly transfixed by this mysterious newcomer, most would never have seen someone bend gender roles so far as to change their appearance so drastically. 

"I don't," Is the reply, and the small beginnings of a smile dawn on Kellin's face at the response "Think you're either, I mean, and I also don't think I have a right too," And just like that, Kellin is scribbling their number across the back of a blank bank slip and Vic is grinning like an idiot. The entire room returned their daily business, but from the corner of his eyes, he noticed his fellow employee, Tony, giving him a smirk that he dreaded to meet. "Wait Kellin, what do you prefer? As in...he, she, they?"

"They," And like that, the hurricane was gone.

The relationship they formed from there was...intriguing to say the least. It was months before Kellin let Vic anywhere near their body that didn't include hands and lips. "I'm scared that...under these clothes, I'm all male...and from that moment on you'll assume me a male," Vic raised an eyebrow and sighed, shaking his head before kissing them with the delicacy of a man who loved and understood. 

"You will never be anything but what you are to me, you know that? You are Kellin Quinn, you are whover and whatever you identify as, not what your body dictates, and you are the love of my life, understood?" He asked gently, cupping their jaw and stroking the pad of his thumb across the smooth constellation of freckles that decorated their cheeks. If the stars could shine in their eyes, Vic would have counted every single one in time to the breathing of his partner. He would spend forever drifting over the plains of their skin, and kissing them as if a waterfall poured from their hearts everytime their lips met.

Under those clothes, Vic did not assume they were male, under those clothes they were still Kellin, and Vic loved every inch of them as if they were no one but. It didn't matter when their hands were grasping each other, and the sheets, or when Vic's lips trailed over their body, worshiping the feminine figure and plainly male attributes, he was still in love with his Kellin.  It didn't even cross his mind when his lips wrapped around the head of the other's cock, and his tongue teased the more sensitive parts of them, that Kellin was anything but what they identified as. It was simply how he had always seen his lover, and that wouldn't change now. 

\--

"So like...you have a dick?" 

Kellin winces visibly at the bluntness, before an aggravated sigh crosses Vic's lips. There's a look, a little like what he imagines thunder would look like, meeting Aiden's curious gaze; immediately the younger raises his hands in defense "Give me a break man I'm new to this, I'm trying I swear," And he's being honest, he's trying to be sensitive, really he is, but he's struggling with a  brand new concept and has no idea how to handle the situation. "Let me try again...so...you're biologically male but you identify as..." he gestures pointedly to the two sat across from him, waiting for the apparent gap to be filled in at the end of the sentence. His dark eyes stare fixedly as the two glance between each other, as if asking whose answering the questions.

"Just nonbinary, I don't really want to get into all the ins and outs? I prefer just an umbrella term," It's Kellin eventually, who answers, today their nails are a brilliant sea green color that, when they reach up to brush their hair from their eyes, looks positively beautiful next to the azure orbs. They pause, swallow a sip from their coffee, and then lightly tap their nails nervously against the cup; a soft noise echoes the silence of their table as Aiden takes a moment to process these words. So many new terms have been presented too him in the last hour alone.

"And your pronouns, are they," He recounts, "You're nonbinary," The youngest takes a long drink from his coffee, letting the warmth slide through him as he processes everything that's being loaded on him. Before today he hadn't a clue what pronouns were, never mind gender spectrums. Now he knew at least the basics, which was a better alternative to insulting his friend's...lover? "I think I've got it?" He replies cautiously. "\Like not completely, but I get the gender neutral thing and you being nonbinary as a whole, but I'm confused as to how your gender changes... though I suppose it's more confusing for you," He rests his head against his hand, humming slightly. "I'm gonna research more tonight," 

"I just...it's so complicated,"  
  


"We're not complicated, it works, we're in love,"

That he could understand no problem.

 


	3. It's not that confusing that the three of us can love each other.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brendon and Ryan had been together for years; they were what love could be defined as and they'd never been missing something, until an outing to a nearby city causes them to encounter possibly the most adorable man either of them had ever met.

He's just sat there, long legs crossed, dark brown hair falling into even softer eyes, long pale fingers playing gently with guitar strings. This little space, a space for them and only them, was a little shop they frequented the first Saturday of every month with the funds they make from little bar shows at the crowded clubs they worked at. A duet in everything they did; and now sat here in their shop, a new man is here, ad the lines blur just slightly between attraction and pure unadulterated lust. Anyone who had eyes could take one look a  this man, and find beauty. His legs were clad in tight, black skinny jeans, and seemed **_positively_** endless. His dark blue shirt folded up o reveal forearms that strained as he played the guitar. The way those long fingers moved, Brendon had to bite his lip, and Ryan voiced their joint thoughts first " **Fuck** , those legs would look great wrapped around my waist," And the singer, not at all jealous, agrees. 

When the guitarist grabs his own guitar, Brendon simply sprawls himself across the couches and listens, as he always does, but as he does for once he isn't giving Ryan his undivided attention; which is alright, because Ryan isn't giving his guitar undivided attention either. "So...prettyboy," There's a moment, before the man looks up registering he is the only other person in the shop, his lips hang open in slight shock, and his cheeks flush a dusty rose color, "Yeah, you," He grins "You're pretty boy, I'm Brendon, he's Ryan, and we've never seen you here before," There's a small, silence, filled only by Ryan's gentle chuckling and gentle picking of strings, looking over at the other. 

"I'm...I'm Dallon, actually," He corrects, resting the guitar against his knees, holding it like a shield but his eyes are mostly on the other two, a slight unease in his eyes. "I...I'm new, actually, I'm standing in for the current manager as he's in hospital," His voice is soft, and his eyes are even softer, then he gives this shy, tender smile and both Brendon and Ryan pay such close attention whilst thinking in unison 'we're fucked'. "Also I'm actually a bassist, I know more about that than I do guitar, I'm just trying different things...keep me preoccupied whilst I have the opportunity," Dallon's cheeks are still a gentle  crimson, but he looks a little more easy now, seeing them both smile at him.

"It's always good to keep your options open when it comes to music, the more versatile you are the better chance you have in a band, however my love remains at guitar," Perhaps the taller man wasn't expecting such a smooth and deep voice to come from such a small and thin man, because his eyes widened once Ryan started talking. Then, just like that, he was lost in the doe eyes of his hazel eyes and the feminine curve to his lips. Brendon wanted to laugh at the sight, he reminds himself that such a look crosses his face once in a while (Ryan doesn't at all notice, perhaps it's for the best). "Brendon can play guitar, piano and drums," There's a swell of pride in his voice reserved for lovers and best friends, it's a tone he usually only uses speaking of Brendon (Soon he'll use it speaking of Dallon).

"See we come up here every first Saturday of the month, stay overnight, explore the city and stuff, then we head home, we were wondering if you'd like to join us tonight?" Brendon blurts, dark eyes displaying a face that only mischief could truly perceive. "I know it's forward but we don't exactly have ll the time in the world, and you only live once right?" Again, Ryan's small chuckles fill up the empty space between the three of them; both half expecting the tallest man to tell them to fuck off or a slightly nicer choice of words. But they were pleasantly surprised. 

"Ok,"

\--

Something is born from that one night. As predicted, or offered, Dallon comes around, and as predicted, and offered, they fuck. The three of them; and that's all that was planned. It's been about six total hours of knowing this guy (And his legs do look great wrapped around Ryan's hips), they don't expect anything else. But there's something about walking away from him permanently that doesn't seem as appealing as they had thought. Between the bassist's soft moans and pants, of touching himself and touching them, of falling asleep intertwined to be woken up by half attempted, drowsy sex; it became something they all wished they could experience everyday. Not just one person to love, but a tangled mess of emotions for two people; not just when person to love you, but a bouquet of affection. Wasn't that a dream to live for? 

They took down his number, and discussed the day as they boarded the train, waving goodbye to a man with a gentle smile and kind eyes that they knew they may have just corrupted for the better of them all. They would sleep together, the two of them, but after every round would find themselves muttering an unfulfilled "Would be nice if Dallon was here," No lie replaced this, they were always open with each other and this wouldn't change now, they weren't upset that they couldn't fulfill each other, because deep down they knew they had found something that could improve their relationship. 

They next time they gathered the money, they took the same trip down, Dallon wasn't at shop any longer as the manager had come back out of the hospital, but, had been prepared, and was sat picking at a bass on one of the couches; the manager, recognizing them, waved them in and grinned. "Alright boys?" Small talked replaced the longing, but soon the three of them were in a coffeeshop, before time blurred and they were in a hotel room again. This time they weren't leaving without some talking, however. 

"Polyamory," Dallon repeated, picking at the feather light sheets and biting his lip in a way that made Brendon want to bite it for him. "I've never given it much thought, but the prospect seems...fun?" The three of them lean into each other. "It's just I won't be able to see you much, I'm about to start shifts as an actual employer at the store now, you see and..."

"It's ok, it'll work out in the end,"

And to some extent, it really does. It's hectic, and it's hard, they spend long periods of time away from each other and Dallon feels empty and alone without them, but it's worth it, it's worth the flowers and coffee, and it's worth it when they say they're moving into the city to be closer to him and it's worth it in years to come when the three of them settle in a house together. It was worth the fighting, the tears, the multiple times they muttered "I can't do this," and replaced it with salty kisses. Fuck, it was hard. It was hard for the three of them, to feel incomplete without all of them there, waking up a intelligible tangle of limbs and kisses. But in the end they made it.

\--

"So like...doesn't one of you get jealous or...?"

If they had a penny for every time they heard that phrase, none of them would be playing shitty bar gigs any longer. And all it takes is an eyeroll from Brendon, who had no shame in his sass, before Aiden stummed up again. "Of course, some times, but not the way you think, none of get argumentative over this, it's more of a I'm busy right now and they're not so they're gonna be having fun whilst I finish an essay sort of jealous, not a possessive type, I'm more than happy to share both my boys with each other, the same way they share me,"  The guitarist tried to explain in his soothing voice, looking over at Dallon who smiled approvingly at his gentle approach.

"Isn't it a little greedy? Like that could be someone elses soulmate?" This time both of them had to physically grab Brendon and force him back into his seat, trying to keep him calm, he fidgeted, the way he always did, especially when uncomfortable, but showed no intense signs of anger. "S-Sorry! That sounded worse than how I meant it I swear," 

"We're all each other's soulmate, if that's how you want to go, we were all destined for each other, that's all, and I know society frowns on it for some reason, but imagine waking up every morning with no just one person wrapped around you, but two, with not just one hand to hold, but two, that's two people you can love and trust with your life, two people you can run too when times get tough," Dallon pauses, a small, loving smile on his lips, "Two people you can spend forever with, and look after and be looked after by, don't you think that's...amazing?" 

"I think when you put it like that, it's pretty cool yeah," Aiden sighs and sips his drink, humming "Still pretty complicated, I couldn't imagine not getting a little jealous,"

"We're not complicated, we're people, and we're in love, we're not puzzles to solve or even anyone else's business, we're just trying to be happy, and we're not hurting anybody, so why not?"


	4. It's not complicated that he can't speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's spent his entire life trying, he swears he's spent from the moment he lost his voice trying to find it. But it was no good, that operation had left him mute, and now he couldn't be loved. You can't love broken goods, they go to charity or the scrap heap.

Broken toys, they stack up in the corner of the disposal, there's pieces missing, maybe they're just barbies without clothes; but they're useless now. No one wants a broken toy, or a damaged toy, or even a toy that's so much as missing a sparkle. People are lie that too, if they're a bit strange, or a bit different, they get this different treatment of "Look out for him, he's a weirdo," or "There's something wrong with him," All the time. Everyday. So he stopped going outside for a while, let his life become a landslide; no one is expecting anything else for him anyway. The constant chatter of "Don't stare," and "Why can't he speak?" Or the angry scoffs when he doesn't reply because they don't know that he can't. No amount of speech therapy or praying is giving him his voice back. It's gone. Full stop.

Alex lost his voice after a car accident, a bar of glass lodged itself inside his throat, and the price of it's removal was the right to tell them he'd rather be dead. He would have died a living man with a life worth living, not this halfway there shit that constantly requires him to have a babysitter. 22 years old, and still has to have his mother take him to the shops to translate everything he said via sign language. Thankfully, he managed to teach a few of his friends some of his words, mostly just the important things, little phrases and basic' yes' and 'no,' Soon, however, they began to teach themself for the fun of it, and to help Alex. The brunette boy still couldn't go out alone, there would never be independence for him, and it was a fate he'd rather accept than live glumly. 

It had been a long, cold, lonely December. He, as always, holed himself up against the bedroom door and refused to let anyone in; it was his philosophy that loneliness in silence was better than loneliness with the reminder everyone could converse happily bar himself. He liked being alone, loneliness resided in the caramel specks of his dark eyes, but it might be for the best (It was for the best, he hated seeing everyone else ok; it broke his heart knowing he would never get to talk about how Auntie Gertrude wrecked the garden last night with her drunkenness). And ** _that_** , that was another thing, how could they just talk about nonsense all the time? Those precious words could be used to talk about something big and important (Like the existence of Donald Trump and the fact there are so many reasons why a carrot should not have dominance over America). There were so many life changing conversations that could take place, words that could determine a difference, establish good opinions, and they were being thrown away.

Rian pulled him out of his misery, early December 21st, with snow in the shaved remnants of his hair, his gloved hands communicating quickly (He knew talking made Alex sad, so he always communicated best he could via sign language, also he enjoyed it more than talking). He eventually stopped to yank his best friend, Zack, who wasn't a talker, verbally or otherwise, anyway, and sent most of the walk ogling Rian as if he was the best thing since sliced bread. If Alex ever did get his voice back, the first thing he would say is "JUST FUCK ALREADY," at the best his voice could manage, for now, he just low key signed it behind their backs. 'There's a party tonight,' it received  a look of pure disgust, combined with disbelief; as if the other man was asking if that was even an invitation. However, before Alex could offer his oh-so-nice opinion, Rian continued 'It's just a quiet party, only a few people, promise,' once it got to the names, Rian was forced to speak, but Alex wouldn't hold it against him, he liked him, sometimes even pitied the way he went out of his way for him. "Zack, me, Kellin, Vic, Vic's brother and his boyfriend and this guy called Jack that started last year and somehow managed to get put in lockers thirteen times in the space of three months," 

'We have a habit of attracting weird people,' Alex couldn't help but smirk, signing it out to him quickly. Sighing inaudibly (bar the rush of air past his teeth), he shrugs, trusting his friends more than he should 'Ok, I'll go,' He sits back and offers a slightly weak smile, carding a hand through his hair. A smile brushes over his face despite himself, seeing the excitement on his friend's face, a similar look they express constantly when they manage to lure Alex from his pit of self pity. Besides, he liked Vic; he was a quiet sort of soft spoken person, who was committed to his loud and more irritating counterpart. Vic understood the importance of not wasting words. Mike, of whom Alex had only met once, was the one you would assume is the older brother, he was dark and held up walls that extended only too his friends, sometimes he seemed a little intimidating, but was warm and welcoming to his brother's friends. 

The three of them spent the day in the snow, mostly silent, with the hope of laughter to fill in the silence, but Alex didn't even get that blessing anymore. In short, everything was a little miserable, and he knew it was his fault; watching his two friends become stronger than ever, trying so hard to please him, but he couldn't even laugh- a broken toy, the batteries worn out. 'I'm sorry,' he signed,eyes exhausted, the sign of his anxiety weighing down on his shoulders, 'I'm sorry I'm so boring,' he adds, eyes closing for a second, leaning against Rian, who immediately wrapped an arm around him, looking softly sympathetic (He hated that look, he was so used to it, he should be the one with that look, everything he put his friends through to please his bitter heart). Zack sat on the other side and held out a small gift. 

"I know you didn't want much, but we got you something anyway," Zack wasn't fluent with sign language, and he was so quiet that Alex didn't actually mind, he sighs tiredly, and protests lazily, with movements so sloppy and worn down that he's sure the other two can't even tell what he's trying to tell them. He pulls off the ribbon, wrapped so delicately that he decide it must've been Rian who tied this, letting the ribbon pool on his lap, he lifts the crimson lid to the smooth, brightly colored box and peer inside. The inhale of quick breath and wide eyes met his smiling friends faces. "We thought, you might appreciate it, we're going with you of course, can't send you in alone, and we spoke to your mother about it..." He trails off, bowled into a hug. Clutched in the mute boy's clammy hands are two tickets to see Blink-182. His first concert.  Rian laughs for them both, joining the hug. The snow and cold and sadness is replaced temporarily as the young man clutches the box and the three head back home. 

\--

Christmas came and went, no more or less exciting than the year before, no amount of wishes would give him his voice wrapped up in silver packaging with a pretty little ribbon. No amount of nice food and pretty sparkles will give him back how his life used to be. So it seemed a little pointless, they weren't even Christian, it wasn't their holiday to celebrate.  Flash forward to New Year's Eve and Alex is blatantly lying to his parents whilst dressed in tight black skinnies and dark blue button-down 'Just to Rian's,' he protests. They can't exactly tell if he's lying by voice pitch or otherwise; so they believe him, and they believe Rian because they have no reason not too (Or not reasons they are aware of). 

The party was, indeed, small. Vic was complaining softly, to no one but Alex really, who seemed to be the only person willing to listen, of little things that needed solving in life, whilst nursing a can of beer. Even at his own party, the small Mexican boy seemed keen to sit on the sidelines, sometimes the Essex born boy genuinely thought he used his lover as a distraction technique. Rightly so, as Kellin indulged themself by drinking into a coma; whilst Mike sat by with raised eyebrows, and a smirk that was fighting it's way onto his face. The elder Fuentes brother, shot his younger counterpart a gentle look that told him he shouldn't encourage the cerulean eyed other, but it was swiftly ignored as Tony, Mike's boyfriend, joined the similar antics and challenged Kellin to a drinking game. 

Rian and Zack groaned in unison, starting up the Playstation, and reaching for the pizza box respectively, knowing all too well the familiar scenes that were about to unfold. Everyone had their role at a party; Mike played neutral, it seemed, willing to simply sit back ad observe, whilst allowing himself to enjoy the fun too. Tony and Kellin (Who seemed to be making great first impressions with each other) were the 'life and soul' there for the wilder side of life, and quite rightly so ("You only live one, Alex, you only live once," 'fuck off,' "I don't know what you just signed to me, but I bet it wasn't nice,"). Rian and Zack turned up mainly for the free pizza and the fact they never want to miss out on anything, they had few friends, and Vic and Kellin happened to be in that few; they wanted to be around for the little social interaction that occurs. In case the obvious hadn't been stated, the designated driver fell down to either Vic or Alex. Alex didn't drink, not one or two, or half, drinking alcohol got him in this mess and his brother dead, he despised it with every flame of his being. The other however found he simply didn't like being disorientated it unnerved him too much and with his especially wild counterpart, found it in the best interest to stay at least 75% sober.

Jack, somehow, found a way to be all of the above. When he walked in, it took Alex a good minute to acknowledge his existence, for a moment simply seeing long legs and messy hair; for a few seconds there was nothing unusual, until he hears extra shouting concerning the (apparently) "Bastard games console,". He hears the words "He's cheating," and "Fuck you you fucking fuck," Followed by laughter he's never heard in his life, but it's laughter that makes his heart race and pupils dilate, it's laughter that makes his head spin because he's not (for once) jealous of this laughter, he wants to hear more of it. The caramel eyed boy stands on shaky legs, missing the way Vic smirks behind his beer, and heads over t the three. It's fine minutes into him being here, Jack has already managed one and a half cans of beer, but his fingers fly across the pad as if he doesn't know what inebriated is (He probably doesn't, this is Baltimore, not London). 

Alex is a pessimist, and he believes he has a right to be, it's why the word existed. He wouldn't in a billion years believe love at first sight was a thing, and that wouldn't change now. But if he's ever seen anyone laugh like that, then he's never noticed; it's so...warming, the dark eyes wide and the wide splitting sound of happiness from nothing but a control pad and his friend's downfall. Jack, was without a doubt, a beautiful specimen, and a beautiful man in general to be quite frank. Alex usually hated the sound of laughter, it was a sound he couldn't make and so seeing everyone else able to show their happiness in such a vibrant and unadultered way made his heart clench and eyes well, especially a laugh like this....unreserved, loud, bubbly. A sound he would long to make. But for some reason, grabbing a controller and sitting down, he just wants to hear this one over and over and over.

Vic sits in the corner, dragging his lover into a stable seat. "Did you see that?" Kellin rubbed their eyes and coughed slightly "Is Alex...smiling? As in...smiling whilst someone's laughing?" The two exchanged disbelieving looks and even the younger could see, despite blurred vision, how the other simply smiled dazedly up at the newcomer, who was ranting until ends met. "That's amazing,"

Meanwhile, Jack seemed to have cottoned on that Alex wasn't speaking, and paused halfway through verbally abusing both Jack and Rian via controller as their game of Mario became "Who can beat Jack?" At some point though, it had become Jack Vs Alex, and no one was complaining. "So what about you? What's your favourite game?" Alex panicked, his jaw clenched and he held out a finger as if to say 'wait a minute', before continuing working the control pad, furiously trying to beat the newcomer to the group, wanting to show him who was the real champion (spoilers: Still Jack). Then he turned around and Rian shifted forward, ready to translate for Alex as his hands began to move.

'My favourite game is probably Call Of Duty, I like shooting things, seeing as in reality I'm a literal noodle,' Rian laughs softly, and goes to translate, but is surprised by the Baltimore boy's gentle laughter. They both stare in surprise, including Alex, as Jack relays back "Noodle? Na, you'd make a great scary army guy," For a second, there's a little stillness, even Tony and Kellin, who were at their general antics raised their eyebrows in unison. However, no one wanted to make a scene, mostly for Alex's sake in fear anxiety gets the better of him. 

'Thank you, I can see that,' They both grin at each other, and Rian and Zack trail off into the background.

\--

That night, Alex makes a decision, he's not drunk and Jack is mostly sober, but he accepts the offer that comes with "You seem cool," in the spare room of Vic's house. And he doesn't regret it, and he doesn't do it because he's desperate and the younger doesn't offer because he feels sorry for Alex. But it's been four hours of flirting via sign language, and he's not going to lie, the elder is sick of being a 22 year old with no independence. So for once, he makes a choice for himself. They don't fuck, but there's mouths and tongues and hands and it's more than Alex has experienced since the first time  anyone looked at him and went "Don't stare,". It, for some reason, doesn't feel like a regret, it feels like comfort, and something that will eventually become more.

He doesn't want to say goodbye to Jack that night. 

\--

The next morning he wakes up, and their hands are tangled, their boxers are still on, and a baggy shirt that Alex recalls Jack wearing last night is hanging on his skinny body. His fingertips distantly trace a tattoo across the other's chest, and a smile briefly flickers across his lips; unlike every cliche he had been expecting, neither of them freak out, they just gets showered and dressed in silence (The way Alex liked it). A feeling like a fire had started, and he knew it was simply infatuation, he was a logical person, but suddenly this infatuation gave him hope, nothing was so dull, the heart wasn't so cold and laughter brought a smile too his face. In the space of one night, he had met someone who had got him with no questions asked, no sympathetic looks, no "What happened?" Just, you are my friend, I like you. 

Eventually, the elephant in the room was addressed, however, when they came down for breakfast, eating leftover pizza from the night before. "Happy New Year," Greeted them (Because they were busy with an unconventional New Year's Kiss at the time to say it too them). "So how do you know sign language?" It's Kellin that asks, of course, because they have no qualms ever with being confident, and noticing everyone dying to ask, asks on behalf of everyone too scared to ask. Somehow, Alex knew he was getting an answer that would make him want to be sympathetic, but he wouldn't allow that, sympathy felt patronizing, even when it wasn't intended to be. He knew that all too well.  All eyes turned to the Baltimore boy.

"My sister was deaf," He says it with a smile, but it was a little harsh, and his eyes were screaming 'please don't say sorry', a sentiment that Alex could understand to the ends of the earth "I grew up learning sign language because it was the only way I could communicate with her," And it's sad, of course it's sad, that people get treated like broken toys, who grow up thinking they owe others for caring, for going out of their way for them. That was what it was like, they would always feel like they weren't worth the hassle, and Jack understood that, he's listened tot his sister cry for days about it, he's watched her isolate herself, and that, that was why he understood him the moment he started signing. There was no pity, because he knew that would never be what someone wanted, above all, they just want to be treated equally. 

'Well I'd love to talk to her sometime,' Alex signed, with a smile in his eyes, and the brunet man grinned wide and laughed, nodding, his hand not-so-subtly finding the other's, fingers entangling like vines on a wall. 'I'm sure we'd have great conversations about how much of a dork you are,' and everyone else laughed too, except Kellin, Tony and Mike, who were still grasping sign language, and had to wait for a relayed translation from Vic or Rian. Nonetheless, everyone else in the room felt as though Jack had always been with them from the beginning, and wasn't a stray dragged in because Vic saw him getting beat up a few times. 

\--

"So like..." Jack looked exhausted, and Aiden hadn't even started talking yet Alex was biting back amusement watching the two interact "Is it not a little...exhausting like, having to constantly translate? If you need Jack you have to physically find him, you can't just call him..." And as it turned out he had every right to look ill simply by seeing the cerulean haired other. In the background, Kellin and Vic were chuckling, remembering their own interaction with the younger man, and his quest to learn about people who weren't just like him ('he means well, really').

"No...not really, see I grew up with sign language more than just talking, me and my sister were close and I spoke to her more than I did with anyone else, so I probably learnt sign language before actually speaking, as for translating, I actually think it's quite fun, I feel like sometimes I'm his personal little translater and I love it," He smiles, but his eyes have a hollow bitterness in them, aimed towards a snorting Kellin Quinn. "And texting exists for a reason, really, it's not difficult at all, in fact it barely seems like an affecting factor in our relationship,"

"I'm not even going to say it," Aiden mutters rubbing his eyes tiredly "How do you people just do things so easily? Like I struggle to put myself out for other people,"

"Find someone who you love so much, that things that seem complicated, are not, let them even out everything you struggled with, someone you can fight with, someone you can agree with, someone who above all makes the worst times seem alright, at the end of the day things like sexuality, and gender, and disability don't matter because love doesn't give you a chance to choose, your heart does it for you," He shrugs, grabbing Alex's hand "You told Kellin and Vic, and from what I've heard all those other people that you found their relatioships complicated, and they replied with near enough the same answer, right? That's because you're not in the relationship, for you, an outsider, it might seem complicated, because for us you wouldn't put that much effort into a  relationship, but when you meet someone you really love, you'll understand what it means, it won't feel like you're trying at all, you'll be too busy focusing on the person as well...just that...the person, or multiple persons, if you settle that way, nothing else will matter," 

"That...that's understandable,"

  
"That's love," Jack finished and stood up, "And now I'm going to splash coffee all over Kellin's lovely new dress, because they fucking deserve it," Alex snorted and trailed after their lover, tugging on his jacket as the final scene allowed itself to set. Content, albeit slightly confused, Aiden hummed gently to himself, stood up and began to head home. He'd not learnt enough, surely, but he'd learnt more than he had known, and that was a start.


End file.
